After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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