I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
