Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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