DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
