I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
