You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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