Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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