She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
