Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
