i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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