We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
