I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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