And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
