just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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