i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
