his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
