Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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