Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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