haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
