You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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