I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
