people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
