It's Friday. Sex?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
