I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
