Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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