Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
