hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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