I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i now understand why vodka
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
