In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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