Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
