weddingsv make me drug and hornr
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
