Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she smelled like a LAN party
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Panties = found
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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