I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
