I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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