This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
