I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
