You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
