My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
