just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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