How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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