i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
