Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
