he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
