I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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