I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize