Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
