he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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