I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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