areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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