A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
