I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
