Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize