Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
