Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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