My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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