why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
