her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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