laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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