you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize