They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
