woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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