remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
birth control should be required to get into college
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
