Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
