I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
