My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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