somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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